Last weekend I stayed with the girls. On Saturday night we went to church with Tino (coordinator of Albergue.) And on Saturday night the new girl who had only been there 3 days ran away. She had nothing- no money, no cell phone, and no knowledge of the city of Cochabamba. We took the car and drove around looking for her, but saw nothing. Nirvana. I don’t know what will happen to you, but I know what happens to a girl on the streets here. Nirvana, why don’t you understand that the thief has come to kill and steal and destroy?
Sunday morning we had an unexpected visit from Mari. Mari had left Albergue 3 weeks earlier to live with her mom. The staff knew she wasn’t ready, but she threatened to escape, so we let her go. It’s her choice. After 2 weeks of living with her mom, she decided she didn’t like living there, so she left her moms house to live on the streets. Last week she broke into Albergue and stole some of the girl’s clothes.
And suddenly she shows up Sunday morning looking for help for a friend. Me and one other girl went out to talk to her, stalling her so she could stay long enough for Tino to come. I hugged her, I asked her where she’d been, where she’d been living, how she was doing.
Mari, you told me you were doing bad, that you don’t eat some days, you know your life is dangerous, the streets are cold in everyway and alcohol costs you money and years of your life that you don’t have. Why don’t you get- the thief comes to kill and steal and destroy?
Mari was told she was welcome back at the house when she was with her mom, until then we would call the police if we saw her because we can no longer trust her.
On Sunday night the power went out. We had fun with it. But Beati, well she was really preoccupied with the dark. It was unnerving. She is very much in between two worlds of darkness and light. And they both want her. Which world does she understand better? Darkness.
On Wednesday Beati and I were reading the Bible. She asked me why God was bad, why he didn’t like Satan. She told me Satan was good.
As we talked I found out that the whole story was just really messed up in her head. She asked me who Jesus’ parents were, who God’s parents were, why Jesus had to die , what sin meant, and why couldn’t God be with us.
Suddenly I found myself with a limited vocabulary and a few props on the table to explain Immaculate Conception, eternity, the fall of Satan from Heaven, the fall of man and holiness of God, and the sacrifice of love of Jesus on the cross.
She listened, she was very confused by God letting his son be adopted, why he let him die, the whole concept of Jesus coming back to life didn’t click, and she told me she didn’t think this could be because God is bad.
After speaking very gently through all of this, I changed my tone. In an extrememly firm and indignant way I told her that this book is the most true book in the world and if she didn’t believe the most true book then she was believing lies.
I told her I didn’t want to hear her say that God was bad again because I don’t want to hear saying really bad lies like this, and I told her it hurts me because I love God and God loves me. So she can’t do that.
She can ask me lots of quesitons about God and she can tell me hows she feels, but she shouldn’t lie like that.
With a marker (God), an eraser (Beati), and a pencil (Satan) I showed her and told her that Satan wants to kill her. He wants her to die. He is not good, he likes it when she’s hurt.
And I hit the eraser with the pencil.
And then I took the marker (God) and I wacked the pencil. It fell to the floor. And I put the marker in front of the eraser and told her God wants her to let him protect her.
God wants her safe. God loves her. He loves her laugh. He made all the good and pretty things in this world.
He wants to get rid of all the bad stuff.
Because he loves her.
She told me that couldn’t be because he was bad.
But Beati, I love you.
Si hermanita (with a smile) Yo se. Yes, I know.
Am I bad?
No!
Tomi loves you.
Si, (with a smile) yo se. Yes, I know
Is she bad?
No!
Tino loves you.
Si, (more serious) yo se. Yes, I know.
Is he bad?
No!
God loves you.
Si?
Yes. And so is he bad?
(she pauses, her brow scruffed) No se. I don’t know.
There’s a war going on. And we can’t afford to loose. Sometimes I feel extremely discouraged emotionally, tired, sad, and paralyzed. And I understand that I am in a war and the enemy wants me down.
It’s heavy.
It’s also urgent. Not in the sense that we need to act now, but in the sense that we need to put on the armor now. We need to be praying.
This is a real plea from me to you, please fight this war with me here. Will you consider fasting with me and some others on Thursdays?
Please ask for God to win their souls. For God’s power to be displayed in weakness. For his love to win for Beati. For Vaneza. For Alejandra who just moved out with her baby. For Julia and her daughter as she misses Alejandra. For Jhoselin who cries when she prays for her parents on the streets. For Delia. For Tomasa. For Wilma. For Paola.
Thanks.
Much love from here.
And happy 50th to my old man.:)
